


Just This Night: Sabine (Companion Story)

by Loth-Cat (Starbird)



Series: Just This Night [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Lots and lots of feels, Lots of Love for These Two Characters, Non-Explicit Sexual Content, Same Story Just Sabine's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:25:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbird/pseuds/Loth-Cat
Summary: A few chapters of"Just This Night"from Sabine’s POV.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Resuviol suggested writing a spinoff of ["Just This Night"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17576978/chapters/41427197)from Sabine’s POV, and I really liked the idea. Turns out I actually misunderstood the idea and decided to retell the story in mostly narrative form from her POV, with an additional scene or two not in the original story. By the time I realized, whoops, that wasn't the idea proposed to me, I'd already started writing and was enjoying it. So, I just went with it. :) I’m also _hoping_ to write some more with this storyline and continue on from where it left off (but stopping before “Jedi Night.” While I believe the episode would be good for relationship development, I don’t really want to delve into anything dark. It’s so heartbreaking anyway. Like, my family temporarily banned me from rewatching S4 because of it.). Only problem is I don’t actually have a plot for that yet, as the plot is already completely covered in the show. It would have to be something separate. If I can’t think of anything soon and it’s really holding me up, I’ll have to move on to the other thing I wanted to do, which is a piece after the end of the series. Also, there’s something to be said about their relationship just starting to bloom and it being completely cut short by the war. There’s plenty of good ground to go over with that, so I may just scrap the idea of a Lothal fic entirely. Who knows!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts during chapter 3 of the original fic, after Ezra tries to talk to Sabine about what happened at the prison with the interrogation, and she refuses.

The Darksaber. She’d shut him out then, too. But she couldn’t, _couldn’t_ talk about this. Not now, not with him, maybe not ever.

It made sense, of course. Shared trauma and all that. But she’d _failed_. She was a _failure_.

She didn’t like being a failure.

Hera and Kanan hadn’t come out and said she was, but they didn’t need to. Sabine had no idea how much she’d given away to Cassell under interrogation at the prison, and the worry ate at her. What if she’d revealed the location of the base? How many secrets had she given up?

She banged her fists against the wall of her cabin, tears brimming her eyes and teeth gritted. She knew she shouldn’t shut her family out – least of all Ezra, who was only ever trying to help, and what was more, had been there with her through all of it.

When she hung her head, the tears coursed out.

 _Maybe I should. Just a five-minute talk. It’ll make him feel better. Knowing I’m okay. It would be for_ him _, not me._

But that wasn’t true, and she knew it wasn’t. Over the years, Ezra had morphed from an awkward street kid with a smart mouth and a sugar pop crush to…something else. Now, Sabine relied on him more and more, and more than anyone else. He had somehow become her closest friend, the person she most trusted with her life. A person she respected. Her equal.

A partner.

He still had a smart mouth. He was still occasionally awkward. Whereas before she’d found it irritating and something to only get in her way, as he’d grown in his powers and maturity she’d come to find the contrast somewhat endearing (if a bit amusing at his expense). He could perform these impossible feats, defying physics and gravity and every law she knew about the universe, touching a mystical energy field she couldn’t hope to ever explain or understand, and yet he still managed to trip over his own two feet or the occasional crate and had a habit of misplacing his toothbrush on an alarmingly regular basis due to his tendency to walk around the ship with it in his mouth. It all highlighted the curious fact that he was, at the end of the day, just a normal teenager like her.

She should talk to him.

She didn’t.

* * *

Sabine didn’t talk to Hera or Kanan, either. Instead, when the _Ghost_ landed on Yavin 4, she hefted her small duffel and marched straight to her quarters.

Alone.

Just how she liked it.

The Spectres hadn’t been on Yavin 4 long, but it had been long enough to be given room assignments. Ezra and Zeb had been put together (to much protest and bickering and a request from Ezra to room with Kanan, who had given a flimsy excuse as to why he couldn’t. Ezra had pressed the issue until Sabine slapped her own forehead and steered him away. He could be so _clueless_ sometimes.). Thing was, usually being alone brought Sabine solace, but this time, it didn’t feel right. At the very least, she should check in on Ezra to see how _he_ was feeling about what had happened at the prison. It wasn’t fair of her to shut him out to the point that _he_ couldn’t come to _her_.

He wasn’t hard to find. (He never was.) Meditating at the edge of the jungle, he kneeled as still as a statue. Sabine slowed her steps, taking him in: the stillness, the peace, the gentle way his shoulders rose and fell with each breath. The local wildlife had emerged to be near him, typical for these moments. Sabine had heard Kanan say once, early on during Ezra’s Jedi training, that each Jedi had his or her own particular gift or area of Force affinity they leaned towards.

 _What’s yours?_ Ezra had asked.

Kanan hadn’t answered.

Ezra’s gift had turned out to be his great kindness and compassion for living things. More than once, Sabine had seen him scurry to rescue a bug she had been about to squash. He’d gone out of his way on missions to free a trapped animal or unite a mother with her young. Animals came willingly to him, sought him out, loved to be around him.

He was incredibly _good_ , and capable of so _much_ good.

It was comforting, she realized, when she opened up to him. She so rarely did, but he’d seen chinks in her armor occasionally and always supported her through them. What she always forgot was how much better she always felt, how soothed. Ezra had a very peaceful presence, much like Kanan, though obviously the older Jedi stayed calm far more. But Ezra was learning. He was getting there.

It wasn’t until he took her hand and placed it against the trunk of the tree that Sabine remembered that she’d left her gloves back in her quarters – because he’d done the same. The shock of his skin against hers, smooth, soft, warm, hit her in a way that instantly made her feel embarrassed. She chanced a quick glance at him to see if he was similarly affected, but whatever he felt, it didn’t show on his face. However, to her, his expression did seem carefully blank and intensely focused, his eyes on their hands. His pressed over hers. Palm to back, fingers to fingers.

The spell broke, and he dropped her hand. She still felt the residue of his touch on her skin, and she wondered if this were some kind of Force thing. He wouldn’t put anything in her mind, she knew, but something about this night, about what they’d been through together, him coming to her afterwards and then knowing when to back off…being out here it _did_ make her feel connected to life, as he’d said.

Then she tripped. Over one of those stupid…monkey creatures. Woolamanders, he’d called them. She lost her footing as the animal screeched in indignation and scampered away. Her body carried her sideways, right into Ezra, who caught her in his arms as she finished falling and pinned him against another tree. It was a reflex – certainly they’d grabbed each other any number of times during missions – but off mission, Ezra studiously kept his hands to himself. Sabine punched him a fair number of times – he even deserved it most of the time – but otherwise she was hands off, too. She’d never been a particularly affectionate person anyway.

This close to him, though, in the stillness and peace of the Yavin 4 jungle with no war raging overhead, no stormtroopers bearing down, no blaster bolts, Sabine could take a moment to focus on the feel of him. His arms wrapped completely around her, probably holding her tighter than was strictly necessary, but that might just be nerves. She remembered being in this position with him before, on Mandalore, with her jetpack, and she’d been pressed up against him before in a literal tight spot on missions, but this…this didn’t feel like that. This felt different. Having him this close in the privacy of the jungle, she was finally able to look at him, _really_ look at him. Gone was the softness of youth and inexperience, replaced by maturity and the toll of war.

Sabine suddenly felt overwhelmed by the desire to push further past those changes, to know him differently. She reached up, bold, to his cheek, to brush her fingertips lightly across the double scars there. A muscle jumped almost imperceptibly under her touch – was he self-conscious about the marks? He watched her, letting her touch him, letting her take the lead.

Her hand slid around to the back of his head. She knew what she was going to do, what chance she was going to take.

“I hate your hair short,” she said.

“What?” he replied in surprise.

Sabine didn’t answer. Instead, she forged ahead like any self-respecting Mandalorian would do, leaning into him as she pulled his face to hers. His lips were soft but unyielding. She’d caught him by surprise. He completely locked up, the normal teenager pushing its way to the front and the Jedi warrior dissolving behind it. Sabine smiled a little as she parted from him, her eyes still closed.

“Okay?” she asked.

Ezra had been pining after her for a good two and a half years but had buried all that away in recent times. Whether he felt the same about her now as he used to, she didn’t know. Things had shifted so much, and only once in a while did potential feelings show through.

But his sputtering response to her question was answer enough. He needed to stop talking, and she told him as much.

Sabine moved her hands to cup his face. His cheeks were hot beneath her touch. Was he _blushing_? She gave him time to adjust to kissing her. Finally, what felt like forever later but couldn’t have been longer than a few seconds (maybe she was nervous, too), Ezra’s arms readjusted around her, tightening, holding her closer. She let him, her focus almost completely on the sensation of his lips against hers, soft, smooth, sweet. Neither of them had done this before – she knew that – and the knowledge made her…happy? It was exhilarating, in a way, being his first, and he being hers. That he hadn’t experienced this with anyone else, any other girl, gave her a thrill.

Sabine didn’t allow herself much time for idle thought. It was pointless and a waste of time, and further, there was always something more important to think about. Kissing, physicality, anything and everything in that realm were all off limits to her with a war going on. It wasn’t something she usually allowed herself to think about. But she knew loneliness when she felt it, and she knew the pull Ezra had on her even though they’d always just been friends. As time had passed, though, their friendship had deepened so much that she wondered at times what it would be like. All that was _really_ missing at this point was a physical component to tilt it from platonic into romantic. It was a hard call for her, because as things had changed, the risks had gone up. The thought of sharing a small ship with someone who had rejected her scared her out of ever trying to change things. She also didn’t have a great track record with relationships – of any sort. Her family, Ketsu… They’d all been repaired, but she wasn’t eager to hurt the person who meant the most to her.

It was fear, basically, that had kept her in a holding pattern. Fear, and the feeling that she didn’t need it, that what they had was enough, that it was unnecessary. No one ever died from lack of touch, right? And if she ever needed a hug (which she didn’t), Hera and Kanan were always handing them out. Not everyone needed those things. Sabine didn’t _need_ to be hugged, she didn’t _need_ to be kissed, she didn’t _need_ to be touched, she didn’t _need_ to be held, she didn’t _need_ anything further.

But sometimes, she wanted it.

And tonight, she wanted more, and she allowed herself to want more. Ezra was safe and someone whose hands she could put herself in, who wouldn’t hurt her or let anyone else hurt her. She trusted him fully, completely, with everything, with all of her. With her life. And with this small act now, she was trusting him with a bit of her body, too.

What would it be like, she wondered, to trust him with all of it?

There was no one else in the entire galaxy she would trust more than him, and he was someone she could see being in her life till the end, one way or another.

The thought just made her kiss him harder.

When she pulled away and leaned her head against his chest, her lips tingled and tasted of him, his breath in her mouth. Her nose was full of the flora of the jungle, recent rain, and him. He breathed out, a gentle sigh, and rested his cheek on her head.

There was something unfurling inside her now that scared her, a path she wasn’t sure she wanted to go down. It was as if that small physical connection to him had sparked something larger within her that had laid dormant her whole life, something that connected to him on a level she didn’t know existed and couldn’t put into words. It was as scary as it was exhilarating, and she wondered if his heart beating rapidly beneath her ear – as fast as hers, no doubt – meant he felt the same thing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night in Sabine's quarters.

Ezra was much quieter than usual at dinner, saying very little except for a quick exchange with Zeb at the food line. Hera asked if he was okay, and in a way, Sabine wondered about that, too. Could she really have that much of an effect on him? She could stay cool about this, but she wasn’t so sure about him. Zeb, though, was already on her nerves, making her bristle, and she threw out her meal before she was finished with it. Whatever this was, it was so new right now, so tender and fragile, and she didn’t need someone like _Zeb_ crashing into it full-throttle and wrecking whatever tentative thing she and Ezra were trying to figure out here.

She saw the worry on Ezra’s face when he caught up to her outside the mess.

 _I’m not rejecting you,_ she wanted to say, but those weren’t the kind of words she used. _I just can’t take flak from Zeb on top of everything else right now._

She said what she could, and it seemed to help.

As they walked away from the mess, Ezra following her, she felt unbalanced now, needing to reclaim some of what they’d shared before. She didn’t want him to go, not just yet, not when she felt more open to him, more receptive.

She wouldn’t mind the company, either.

The darkness of the prison still sat heavy on Sabine’s mind, something she still hadn’t worked through yet. This would be her first night by herself since being interrogated, without any of the other Spectres nearby, and when it came down to it…she didn’t _want_ to be alone to face those memories.

She wanted Ezra with her right now.

She didn’t think any further than that.

But he was nervous…he was so nervous, and it was sweet how nervous he was, and every time he touched her, it grounded her again, sparked something inside her, so that she felt a need, more and more, to be close to him, to touch him again. She had told him to stay on the floor, and she’d meant it, but…there was room in the bed, and what harm could it do? To spend one night – just this night – in each other’s arms, painting over the trauma of the prison with the memory of this warmth, erasing and rewriting it.

So she left space for him, to do with as he wished. An open invitation. His choice.

He took it.

Sabine quickly grew uncomfortable in the bunk, having him pressed against her, feeling the heat and strength of his body, hearing his breaths go in and out. She squirmed, feeling trapped in a way that wasn’t unpleasant, but was more…confusing. She felt trapped between what she wanted to do, what chance she wanted to take, and what she felt like she _should_ do, which was to walk away and not risk anything. His light touches to her face this night, reverent, gentle, showed her how he truly felt, like she was something fragile and beautiful in his hands that he took great care with. As she kissed him, as she moved him to where she wanted him, nervousness crept into her own body. She didn’t, after all, really know how he would react.

He followed her lead, though. She guided his hand to the bare skin of her waist, and on his own, he moved his hand up. Sabine reached for the bottom of his shirt, and he dipped his head so she could take it off. When she quickly removed her own before she could lose her courage, his breath stopped, and he said her name. Checking in with her.

She wanted to look at him. Touch him. See the things she’d never seen before. He watched as she did, her hand running down his chest.

Sabine popped open the closures on his pants with more confidence than she felt, and she checked in with him now. “Okay?” she asked, just like she had in the jungle. She realized with dawning certainty that he would do anything, _anything_ for her, but she wasn’t going to take this away from him if it was not what he truly wanted. And he wouldn’t just go for it because he had the opportunity; he would certainly pass it by if he didn’t feel right about it.

Sabine held her breath while she waited for his answer. His eyes met hers, and her expression faltered. While she somehow knew that they could stop now and things would be okay between them, she also knew how fragile their new stance was with each other and how easy it would be to break it. She didn’t want to do anything, take any misstep, that might mess it up.

But he answered just like she hoped he would. Like she, deep down, knew he would. “Yes,” he said, and she smiled before she kissed him again, relieved, happy, nervous, excited…

They took it slow, helping each other with each remaining item of clothing until nothing remained. The room was mostly dark save for a bit of safety lighting in a far corner. Sabine felt a flash of shyness and wondered if Ezra felt the same way. The covers had slipped down to his waist, but he hadn’t touched her much, even though he had permission to. And if he wanted to stop even now, that was fine, too. She knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t press, wouldn’t push her. In truth, he was probably far more nervous about this than she was.

There was no specific word or signal, just a break in the slow, deep kissing, where their eyes met and Sabine touched her forehead to his – a silent signal of her own. Then he spoke, when he’d been so uncharacteristically silent.

“What about, um,” he said. “Are you… Should I…should I get something…?”

It was mature of him to ask – proof that he was still willing to turn back, and furthermore, that he was watching out for her – and truthfully, not something that had crossed her mind to bring up because she’d been getting shots for years. Hera had always wanted her protected for any number of reasons and had always seen to it that her shots were kept up. She didn’t need another one for a while, so it hadn’t occurred to her. And it wasn’t like she was worried about diseases, as far as that part of protection went.

“No, I'm covered,” Sabine answered him. “One of the few perks of the Rebellion.”

Ezra’s relief was palpable, and he started rambling again. Sabine cut him off, wishing he could relax just a little. She knew he was enjoying this, but his nerves – the ever-present teenage part of him – were getting the best of him. He’d probably thought about this over and over in his mind dozens of times, never thought it would happen, and had built it up and feared he’d let her down now that it was actual reality.

Sabine, personally, could not have cared less about any of that. What she desired more than anything in this moment was just to be close to him, as close as she could be, to deepen their connection.

Ezra intertwined his fingers with her hand where it rested on the pillow near her face. His eyes were on hers, intent, and he spoke the moment she flinched. The discomfort, while an unusual feeling, wasn’t anything close to the worst pain she’d felt by far, and the wince had been unconscious. Still, it was enough to make him worry.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “I can stop. We don’t have to – ”

But that was the last thing she wanted. Already the feeling had begun to subside, and she consciously reminded her muscles to relax. That helped, too.

“No,” she said as she touched his cheek to reassure him. “I’m okay.”

Then something bizarre happened: the pain vanished completely, as if it had never been there at all. Just evaporated. (Had he used the Force on her?) With that gone, Sabine was able to relax further, to focus more on kissing him, on touching him, on feeling him. Her mind began to let go, her body taking over for her, muscles loosening and allowing her to enjoy it. For a bit it was slow, unhurried, but then pressure started to build in her head, something she was dimly aware of until it tugged almost all of her attention to it. She tilted her face away from Ezra’s onto the pillow, afraid he’d think she was hurting again when it was just the opposite. The feeling in her head wasn’t painful, just…weird.

Then suddenly, it shattered, and she gasped. She _felt_ her mind open up and connect to Ezra’s, and everything he was feeling, physically, emotionally, came pouring out over the link, saturating her already oversensitive senses. Her eyes closed, and without warning, a tear formed and fell down her cheek. She _felt_ , actually _felt_ , Ezra’s alarm, the moment where he wondered if everything was okay and checked on her, and, finding nothing, he gently leaned down and kissed the tear away. His hand brushed her hair back as he touched his forehead to hers, and she could hear every one of his breaths. When his face went to the crook of her neck, Sabine wrapped her arms around him tighter, fingers sliding up through his hair and cradling his head, and another gasp escaped her, too, to see him like this, free and uninhibited, and to be the only one who had. She kissed his temple, her own heart beating hard inside her chest.

Once on their sides, Sabine brushed a bit of sweat away from his forehead. Yavin 4 was always hot and humid, and considering the circumstances… Then she curled up close to him, taking his hand again and interlacing their fingers.

He wanted to know if it had been okay. That he hadn’t hurt or disappointed her. That he was adequate.

She gave the wrong response and knew it immediately. When she told him it was “different,” he started closing himself off.

It was like getting caught in an undertow, she said. _A_ good _different_ , she meant.

He blushed at the explanation, perhaps taking it as a compliment, and said it must have been the Force. And that it was intense for him, too.

Soon after, they started to drift off to sleep, but not before Sabine said one final thing. Because she hadn’t really answered, and she didn’t want him to have any doubts.

“Ezra?”

“Hmm…” His eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. He sounded like he was about to pass out. The oxytocin high.

“I, um…I didn’t say…” Well, shavit, this was harder to say than she’d thought. It was so _personal_ , so _private_ , that even though it had to do with him, actually saying it aloud made her feel…shy. Again.

Ezra blinked open dazed eyes and looked up at her. “Whassit?”

“I wanted to say…yes. You asked me if it was okay. If I was okay. I am, and…yes. That was…that was nice.”

A blush blossomed on her face – she _really_ didn’t like admitting feelings and stuff like that – but when he gave her a sleepy smile, her discomfort was all worth it.

“Oh,” he said. “That’s good. Me, too. I liked that. Being with you. Like that.”

“You, um…” Words and courage left her, and she tried to back away from it, but his eyes were on hers, and she couldn’t.

His arms tightened around her, and he hunched closer to her. “I what?” he asked quietly.

But she shook her head, unable for the moment to articulate the simple words she was trying to say. _You felt good._ Instead, she said, “Can I touch you?”

“Yeah.” His voice caught at the end of the word, and he swallowed. “You can touch me.”

All she wanted was to feel more of him, pieces of him she hadn’t gotten a chance to explore earlier. She ran her fingers down his arm and torso, everything she could reach while being held so close to him in the bunk. His skin was soft to the touch, warm, and he held very still, watching her hand trace him.

They didn’t need to say anything more, so she closed her eyes and tilted her head down to get comfortable again for sleep. It was so easy to forget, in private moments like these, how powerful Ezra truly was, how competent, how capable. When he was so sweet and innocent and boyish, when he still blushed at the thought of sex, and yet…and yet…

Did he feel this way about her, too? Did he see this dichotomy in her the way she saw it in him?

She had her answer as well to her question about what it would be like to put herself fully and completely in his hands. She hadn’t ever wondered with anyone else, at least not seriously. Ezra, as she’d expected, had taken care of her, been gentle, kind, and she trusted him even more now, and felt even more fondness and affection for him than she already did. He’d been considerate, placing her comfort and feelings above his own, so typical of him. Sabine was glad that this had happened, and that she had chosen him. Trusted him. With herself. With this.

She wished the night could stretch on forever, because tomorrow morning, the crew had to leave for another mission. Unfortunately, that meant they needed to get some sleep. Besides, Ezra was about to drop off anyway, so it didn’t matter what either of them wanted. They were both tired. Some days, she felt like she was _always_ tired, despite being young. Tired of fighting, tired of war, tired of running for her life.

Maybe one day it would settle down.

Tomorrow would not be that day. At least, though, they had the peace of tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine starts to adjust to their new relationship.

It was odd, Sabine thought, waking to someone else in the bunk with her. Odd, but…comforting.

She didn’t want to admit it, but she liked it.

Her quarters had a small window, set high up on a side wall. Bright sunlight shone in, illuminating the room and everything within it. She and Ezra exchanged a quick conversation – he wouldn’t leave even though he probably should – and he went back to sleep while she stayed awake just a little longer and surveyed the mess they’d made of her usually neat room. She lay on the inside edge of the bunk toward the wall, but she’d still caught a glimpse of the floor and hoped she’d locked the door last night.

On the banged-up old chair near the door lay all their weapons, clumped together. Her braces, blasters, knives. His belt with holstered blaster and lightsaber. His shirt draped over the back of the chair. Boots, socks. Her armor on a crate next to the chair.

Then by the bunk, the most incriminating evidence: the rest of their clothes in discarded puddles. She felt shy about it suddenly, thinking about the inevitable moment when they’d have to get up and get dressed. She was comfortable with Ezra, but…not _that_ comfortable yet that she wanted him to see her in all her glory. She thought he probably felt the same, too, given how they’d kept the covers up at their shoulders this morning. Last night had been mostly dark, with just the little safety light in the far corner. Enough to see a little bit, but not enough to get embarrassed about.

In time, she would be less shy, but for now, this was okay.

Sabine turned over in Ezra’s arms, her back to his chest, and he inhaled in his sleep, pulling her back against him and readjusting so that his body conformed to hers. Sabine didn’t pull away, but she also didn’t reciprocate as much as she should have – he was cuddling her quite aggressively, and it was going to take time for her to get used to having a romantic relationship that involved frequent touch (she knew with 100% certainty that he was going to touch her every single chance he got). It wasn’t necessarily that she disliked it; it was just a little uncomfortable for her, having grown up in a traditional Mandalorian household and being so independent. But she didn’t want to be unfair to Ezra, so she forced herself to relax in his embrace. His leg lay heavy over hers, his arm around her midsection holding her tight to him. He breathed evenly, and for a moment, she just listened to his breaths. Then she closed her eyes again.

Their alarms would go off soon enough.

 

Dressing proved less awkward than Sabine had feared. Ezra got dressed first while she kept her eyes closed for a few more minutes, wishing that she could go back to sleep and their time together could last longer. The bed sank as Ezra sat, and she opened her eyes again to find him turned toward her, his shirts in one hand.

“Thank you,” he said awkwardly. “For…asking me to stay. I hope you’re feeling better about what happened. At the prison.”

Sabine reached out and took his hand. “I am. But what about you?”

Ezra’s shoulders slumped, and he looked away. “I’m okay. It happened. Things turned out fine. Just trying to move past it.” He raised his face again, his eyes on her again. “Just more worried about you than anything else.”

“I’m okay,” she assured him, placing her other hand on top of his. “Really.”

He leaned down and kissed her lightly. “Okay,” he said. Then he stood from the bed and pulled his undershirt on. “I really should get going. I just have this feeling like someone’s going to stop by.”

“Yeah.” Sabine leaned over the side of the bed and started gathering up her clothing, pulling on the necessities. When she got out of the bed and crossed the room to dress in her clothes and armor, Ezra already had his shirt on and was buckling his holster.

When he caught sight of her, he stopped mid-action.

“You’re beautiful,” he said reverently, staring, unabashed. Sabine flushed and smiled in embarrassment as she gathered up her clothes.

“Stop,” she said, but the compliment pleased her.

Once they were both fully dressed, Ezra left first. His intuition turned out to be correct, as he ran right into Zeb. Unsurprisingly, they started bickering, and she wondered if Zeb had any clue about what was going on. It was a fifty-fifty chance he did. The crew had breakfast together and loaded up on the _Ghost_ , then briefed. For her, it was easy to get back into mission mode and put the situation with Ezra in the back of her mind.

For him, it was much harder.

Outwardly, he didn’t seem too different, although she caught him glancing over at her a fair number of times, and he seemed distracted. Too, she could sense his jitteriness through their shared connection. It wasn’t like she suddenly had the Force now or anything; it was more like she could read him better, get a better sense or gut feeling about him.

They didn’t get a moment alone for hours.

She’d gone to get a drink in the galley, and he found her there (even odds that he was looking or hungry as usual). The _Ghost_ ’s galley was mostly open, almost in full view of the rest of the ship.

Still, it had a bit of a corner off to the side that was private.

He was worrying again. Worrying that she still didn’t really want him. He gave her an out again. It made her angry, that he couldn’t just accept this, that he couldn’t believe her or trust her with this, but before she could reply, Zeb walked in and ruined it. Ezra excused him and left, Zeb complained about Chopper’s cheating at dejarik (and Sabine gave him a few tips for how to get the sneaky little droid back), and then she returned to her own cabin. Her mind whirled with thoughts now that she didn’t have anything to focus on, and she needed to quiet it. She turned to the task of going through her paints, because that was easier than thinking about the difficulties of a blossoming romantic relationship out of a friendship in these circumstances. Ezra’s insecurities were a little frustrating for her to manage, even if she understood them. She knew him well enough to know that in time, he would move past them, but for now, he was probably going to be a little skittish. She had no other way of expressing how she felt or what she wanted – for them to be _more_ – but he would just have to come to terms with it on his own time. At some point it would dawn on him that she wouldn’t have just made the choice she did last night carelessly or unthinkingly. After knowing him for so long, literally living with him, sharing years of her life with him, her home, her family, to just go and sleep with him…and have him be her first…

Sabine shook her head, jamming one of her paints into her crate. He _had_ to know it meant something.

A knock sounded at her door, and she got up to open it. She knew that knock. Ezra updated her on the mission – he’d just come from seeing Hera – and they knelt to continue organizing her paints. As they worked in silence, she felt the tension in the air – a good tension that she’d felt yesterday afternoon and last night, and in recent months with him. The tension of anticipation, of _wanting_ , of desire.

Then their eyes met, and the wire of tension between them snapped. In an uncharacteristically bold move, Ezra grabbed onto her waist and pulled her over to him, seating her on his lap and kissing her fiercely. She held onto his collar, kissing him back, surprised to discover that she had missed him, too, missed the physical part of him as much as the emotional part.

They’d figure it out. It was awkward and weird now, but they’d figure it out. Maybe they should’ve taken it slower, she thought in the back of her mind, and the thought made her want to laugh because yeah, probably. But everything had felt so _right_ about last night, and it seemed the same for him, too.

“Sabine,” he said into her thoughts. “I don’t know how to tell you this…”

A spike of concern struck her, sharply contrasting with her sense that nothing was actually wrong. She didn’t get the gut feeling that there was anything bad between them, nothing like he was going to break it off. Still…

“What?” she asked. “Is it bad?”

“No, no, it’s…” He looked pained, like he felt bad about how he’d approached this. “It’s just that…” Whatever it was, she wished he’d just _say_ it. “I love you.”

Well. She hadn’t been expecting _that_. But she couldn’t deny the pure joy it gave her, the way it warmed her from the inside out.

She also couldn’t deny that she already knew it deep down, either.

“I know you do,” she said as she hugged him.

* * *

Night came to the ship, and the crew retired to their quarters. Sabine fell asleep quickly, but her eyes opened again what felt like only a short while later.

Ezra. Unsettled.

She threw her covers back and left her room, headed for the galley. She found him there, making a sad excuse for a sandwich (the ship didn’t have much in the way of real food). Somehow, she startled him.

He couldn’t sleep. His disquiet woke her up.

He didn’t want to go back to fighting. He wanted more time with her. That sounded great, but an unattainable ideal right now. A fantasy.

“We’ll get time,” she said. “Here and there. And remember…this won’t be forever. Afterward, we can do what we want.”

_And what we want is a future together. I want a future with you._

It surprised him, but it came as no surprise to her. She’d known for so long that he would always be in her life; she just didn’t know in what capacity. When they joked around on the ship, when she playfully shoved him, when they had each other’s backs on missions, she always thought they would just be friends forever, there for each other no matter what. Always. Then the shift happened, and she didn’t know when or how or why or where, but it had happened, and she’d still known he’d be there forever, she just hadn’t known exactly what that had meant.

Now she knew.

Basic had words for it. Boyfriend. Mate. Partner. Lover. None fit. Her language had words for it. Those didn’t fit, either. She didn’t have the right word for what Ezra meant to her, for what their relationship was. Those words seemed either too trivial or too generic.

_Soulmate?_

That fit a little more.

They settled onto a couch in the common room and snuggled up under a thick blanket, wordless. They didn’t need words right now, and that was another thing Sabine appreciated so much about their relationship. For as much as Ezra could _talk_ , and talk way too much, he seemed to know now when to be quiet with her. Sure, he knew on missions as well, but when the teenage boy pushed itself to the front, he sometimes didn’t know when to stop.

She used to find it irritating. Now, she accepted it as just another part of him, something endearing and sweet and innocent about him when so much had been taken from him and ruined. He deserved it. He deserved some innocence.

He also, apparently, had a habit of screwing around with the Force when no one was looking.

Sabine laughed to herself, and he caught her. Mindlessly levitating objects helped him think, he said. And he was thinking it was okay if she didn’t love him back.

She looked away in shame. “I’m afraid to,” she said.

Ezra didn’t understand. He wouldn’t. It wasn’t in his nature. Not him, someone who _was_ so loving, and who loved and cared with his whole heart and every fiber of his being. But her… Love scared her. The idea of giving oneself over so completely to someone else… She felt like she’d already taken the first step last night. She’d already given a large part of herself over to him that way. He’d cradled her then like he cradled her now.

At the end of the day, Sabine knew how she felt. She knew she resisted feeling more deeply. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, allow herself that. _He had to know_ that last night was everything.

They adjusted to get more comfortable on the couch, and they closed their eyes. Just for a minute.

 

At some point, Ezra left briefly and came back. Sabine checked her chrono. Early morning. The crew would be up in an hour.

“Hera,” he said.

“Oh, no,” Sabine said, starting to get up.

“No, it’s okay. But we should get back to our own quarters.”

Sabine nodded and began to fold up the blanket. She tossed it onto the back of the couch and followed Ezra back to the cabins. They stopped at hers first.

“Well,” he said. “I guess I’ll see you in an hour or so. Then off on our mission.”

“Yeah.” She shrugged, clutching her elbows. “It’ll be good. Shoot some stormtroopers. Always good for the soul.”

“True.” He paused a moment, then reached out and squeezed her elbow. “See you later.”

“Later.” Ezra turned to leave. “Wait,” she said, and he turned back, came back to her. “Ezra, last night…”

“Yeah?”

Sabine gathered her courage, looking into his eyes as she did so. As usual, he waited, allowing her her time, ready to receive whatever it was she had to say.

“You have to know,” she finally said, voice quiet, “that that was… It was everything I couldn’t say. I wouldn’t have just…it wasn’t careless…”

He moved closer and took both her hands in his, clasping them between their chests. “I know what it meant,” he murmured. “It was the same for me, too. I wouldn’t have, either.”

Their heads were bent very close together now, lips a hair’s breadth apart. “Did you…have you…thought about it before?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Me, too.”

A sudden crash and curse of _“Karabast!”_ from the direction of Ezra and Zeb’s quarters jolted them apart. Their time was up. Ezra sighed and dropped Sabine’s hands.

“I don’t know what that was, but I’d better go,” he said. “I’ll see you for breakfast.”

“See you.”

She turned away, keying the opener for her room and watching him walk back to his. Zeb had apparently fallen back asleep by the time Ezra disappeared behind their door. As Sabine crawled back under her covers for another forty-five minutes of rest, she closed her eyes and thought back over the last twenty-four hours. Over everything that had changed.

Yes, she thought. It fit.

_Soulmate._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **BONUS!!** Sneak Peek at the beginning of the sequel!! ANGST AHEAD. It's not the path I wanted to take, so to speak, but this is just how I felt it would realistically go. Hope you guys are okay with it!
> 
>  
> 
> _-Sabine-_
> 
>  
> 
> He wasn’t what she expected. But then, she hadn’t known _what_ to expect. The trip back from the Unknown Regions had been mostly quiet. After five months of searching for Ezra, Sabine had so many questions for him, so much she wanted to say, but when she finally saw him…she could say none of it. Words fled her. All she could do was hug him tight, get him onto the shuttle with Ahsoka, and jet away from that Force-forsaken part of space as fast as possible.
> 
> He hadn’t talked about what had happened. Neither she nor Ahsoka pressed it.
> 
> Ahsoka had a calming presence, and Sabine had enjoyed – as much as she could – being around her while searching for Ezra. She hadn’t opened up to the Togruta much during those five months, feeling like if she did, the floodgates holding back all her emotions would burst and she’d admit everything she had been trying desperately to hold back. For almost five and a half years she and Ezra had been apart, and she’d occupied herself during that time by taking care of his people and his planet. It was her duty to him, and it was a good distraction.
> 
> The New Republic was currently based on Chandrila until plans could be made to retake Coruscant and establish a government in place of the Empire. When they landed, soldiers hurried Ezra off to debriefing, the ship still powering down behind them. Sabine looked behind her at Ahsoka, who rested her hand on her shoulder. “They want to know everything,” she said in her soothing voice. “He’ll be back again soon.”
> 
> Sabine nodded and clasped her elbows tightly in her hands, staring down at the floor of the hangar. “It’s different,” she said. “I didn’t expect it to be like this.”
> 
> “What did you expect of your friend?”
> 
>  _Friend._ The word stung, but Sabine had the feeling Ahsoka was just being polite. Not prying.
> 
> It probably wouldn’t have stung quite so much if Sabine could have felt that Force connection to Ezra that she’d felt those precious few weeks they’d had together before he disappeared with the purrgil. When they’d reunited, she’d felt it a little, but…mostly he had been closed off. Deliberately.
> 
> “I guess…for things to just go back to normal,” Sabine admitted. “It’s stupid, I know. I’m not a kid; I should know better. I know people change, and whatever he went through… It can’t have been easy.”
> 
> “Sabine!”
> 
> She looked up to see Hera and Zeb running straight toward her.
> 
> “Is it true?” Zeb asked. “Is the kid back?”
> 
> Sabine nodded and palmed at her eye, which felt watery for some reason. “Yes,” she said, forcing her voice to sound strong. She cleared her throat. “Yes. The Council whisked him off to Force knows where, probably to some bunker to interrogate him for five days.”
> 
> Hera sighed. “I’m sure that’s not too much of an exaggeration. Is he doing all right?”
> 
> Sabine shrugged. “I guess? We didn’t talk much. He didn’t seem to want to.”
> 
> Hera nodded and clasped Sabine’s arm. “They’re going to watch him ’round the clock, but we’ll see him again soon. At least he’s home.”
> 
> She had a point, and Sabine’s heart lightened a bit. “Yeah,” she said. “You’re right.” She looked over at Zeb with a smile. “At any rate, I could use a bite to eat and some target practice. You game?”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://loth-cat-loth-cat.tumblr.com)!


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